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 Home / 3D Theory & Graphics / There should be more jokes in this section. Account Manager
 
Archive Notice: This thread is old and no longer active. It is here for reference purposes. This thread was created on an older version of the flipcode forums, before the site closed in 2005. Please keep that in mind as you view this thread, as many of the topics and opinions may be outdated.
 
BurningCircuit

March 09, 2005, 11:21 AM


I've been thinking, there are endless threads about shader this,
and the machine freezes when that etc.

How about a few gags to lighten things up? Perhaps when explaining
the U,V,W coordinate system for volume textures, you could throw
a pie or something.

Just a thought,
BC

:)

 
Corre

March 09, 2005, 11:28 AM

Most of the posters here could be considered a joke anyway :-) j/k

 
dgreb

March 09, 2005, 01:51 PM

I'm a Joke!! And my keyboard contains `~ and ^.

Who feel himself a great sheet, thats the worse of all!!

 
Vast

March 09, 2005, 02:09 PM

the _really_ funny guy, is IM BRIAN FELLOWS... lol, I laugh EVERY time he posts, even when the posts are serious answers. The fact tha he sustained his style in being caps-locked forever (its like his keyboard is broke) thats what i find funny. But i dont think jokes fit much into programming, unless they are some corny, programmer-only jokes, i usually laugh at people who tell those, not with those people.


Anyway, good point though. Its nice to brighten up some topics...


Stupid comments are sometimes funny..
Tim

 
TobeyThorn

March 09, 2005, 02:21 PM

so here's a really bad joke one of my professors told me. it is possibly the worst joke i have ever heard, so i though you all would like to read it. after reading it, there should be no doubt that programming jokes just shouldn't be told.

why can't CS guys tell the difference between christmas and halloween?
cuz, dec 25 = hex 31

ahh, its soooo NOT funny...

 
Victor Widell

March 09, 2005, 07:17 PM



TobeyThorn wrote: dec 25 = hex 31


No.

hex 31 = dec 49
dec 25 = oct 31

Some bad jokes are more funny when the one who tell them miss the point...

 
BurningCircuit

March 11, 2005, 05:08 AM

Nukk nukk nukk :)

 
BurningCircuit

March 11, 2005, 05:10 AM

What did the constipated mathematician do?

Bent over a table and worked his logs out with a pencil.

Nuknuknuk.

 
BurningCircuit

March 11, 2005, 05:11 AM


I've seen some of his Neverwinter Nights builds. They are a chuckle in themselves. :P :)

 
Reinder

March 11, 2005, 06:31 AM

e^x was walking down the street when he saw Constant running toward him. e^x said, "Hey, why are you running?" Constant answered, "Down the street is a derivative! He'll make me disappear!" e^x replied, "Don't worry, I'll take care of him for you. I'll be the same as always." e^x sauntered up to the derivative and said, "Hey, nice to meet you, I'm e^x." The derivative replied, "Hi, I'm d/dy."

 
Rhinoid

March 11, 2005, 06:37 AM

hmmmm nerdy programmer jokes.... me like! Here's my contribution:


Dictionary definition of recursion:

"recursion: see recursion"

 
TobeyThorn

March 11, 2005, 08:01 AM

in a fit of dyslexia i wrote it wrong, and what happened to the "edit" post button? i couldn't find it. this is why i don't usually tell jokes.

 
TobeyThorn

March 11, 2005, 08:02 AM

good one

 
BurningCircuit

March 11, 2005, 08:20 PM


My programming load seems a lot lighter since i read these crappy jokes.
Keep up the good work :)

 
Nils Pipenbrinck

March 12, 2005, 11:00 AM

There are just 10 different kinds of people..

Those who understand binary arithmetic, and those who not..



 
Chris

March 12, 2005, 12:14 PM

What does the average Windows user say when his car stopped working ?

"Let's open the door and close it again, then it'll work."

 
Moe

March 12, 2005, 04:46 PM

Some might already know, but here some more:


C:DOS C:DOSRUN RUN DOSRUN
---------------------------


2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
---------------------------


Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
---------------------------


The less you know, the more you make.

Because:
- knowledge is power.
- time is money.

As every engineer knows:
power = work / time

Since:
knowledge = power
and
time = money

It follows:
knowledge = work / money

Solving for money, we get:
money = work / knowledge

Thus, as knowledge approaches zero money approaches infinity. Regardless of the amount of work spent.
---------------------------


Why is my room a mess? Well, it's like this: The principle of entropy states that the universe moves toward disorder. Entropy can never be reversed. And who am I to violate the laws of physics?
---------------------------


What are women doing with their asses in the morning?
They make him a sandwich and send him of to work.
---------------------------

 
Vast

March 12, 2005, 10:28 PM

lol those are the best!

How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

The Programmers' Cheer:
Shift to the left, shift to the right!
Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!

- "Have you heard about the object-oriennted way to become wealthy?"
- "No..."
- "Inheritance."

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.

The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back: "Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."

Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.

Why Client Server Computing is like Teenage Sex
It is on everybody's mind all the time.
Everyone is talking about it all the time.
Everyone thinks everyone else is doing it.
Almost no one is really doing it.
The few who are doing it are:
doing it poorly;
sure it will be better next time;
not practicing it safely.


All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.

The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball."
"Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"

A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain, and happily thinks: "I never really considered myself a fool, but I never knew I was THAT clever!"

Windows 95 is a 32 bit extension for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It's so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. "We'll document it in the manual."
None. It's a hardware problem.
1.000000001.
Two. One always leaves in the middle of the project.
Four. One to design the change, one to implement it, one to document it, and one to maintain it afterwards.
Four, plus one senior analyst to manage the project, one technical writer to correct the spelling and grammar of the one who documented it, one light bulb librarian, a sales-force of at least five to drum up enough users who want to turn the light on, 274 users to burn out the new bulb, at which point we go to tender for another light bulb change,...
Five. Two to write the specification program, one to screw it in, and two to explain why the project was late.
Only one, but she's not available till the year 2000.
"The change is 90% complete."
"It's hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working."
Of course, as everyone knows, just five years ago all it took was a bunch of kids in a garage in Palo Alto to change a light bulb.


How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seventy two. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle ...

 
surrealix

March 12, 2005, 11:37 PM

This is a brilliant thread :).

I did a quick google and came up with a couple

In C you have to code your own bugs. In C++ you can inherit them.

A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.

CIA - Computer Industry Acronyms
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can't See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
DEC: Do Expect Cuts
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
CA: Constant Acquisitions
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You're Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.

The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.

 
Rhinoid

March 13, 2005, 06:55 AM

"Why is my room a mess? Well, it's like this: The principle of entropy states that the universe moves toward disorder. Entropy can never be reversed. And who am I to violate the laws of physics?"

And similarly:


Why is all that mess on the floor?

Gravity...

 
BurningCircuit

March 14, 2005, 06:54 AM


Q: Why did the computer salesman get arrested?
A: He was caught showing off his Wang in public.

 
digitalblade

March 16, 2005, 06:22 AM

yeah keep it up!


here are some I found:

Windows isn't a virus, viruses do something.

In a world without walls and fences, who needs Windows and Gates?

Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile !


If Airplanes Were Like Computer Operating Systems Here's some descriptions of airplanes run by various operating systems:

# DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.
# DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.
# Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.
# OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to say your prayers before you crash.
# Windows: Colorful airport terminal, friendly flight attendants, easy access to a plane, uneventful takeoff. Then: BOOM! You blow up without any warning whatsoever.
# NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is a nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can go anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast majority of passengers with coach tickets can't even get aboard.
# Unix: Everyone brings one piece of the plane. Then they go on the runway and piece it together, all the while arguing about what kind of plane they're building.
# CAIRO: The airplane is distributed among 47 different hangars in 13 airports scattered over 8 states, 4 Canadian provinces, and a remote mountain hideaway in Nicaragua. But you don't need to know where the airplane is or who it belongs to in order to fly it. Actually, you don't fly the airplane itself; you fly a simulation that behaves just like the real thing except that you don't go anywhere. But that's okay, because when the world is at your fingertips you never need to leave home.

 
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